US OPEN

September 6, 1999

Jennifer Capriati

WTA: Before we start, Jennifer would like to read a statement.

JENNIFER CAPRIATI: It's a little long. Bear with me. "I write this letter to you using my own words and my own thoughts. I've been wanting to share this with you for a long time. I wasn't ready until this moment. By giving this to you all, I wish to close the envelope of my past. "I know there is much mystery, much question to what happened, and I must also say, many lies. Yes, I made mistakes by rebelling, by acting out in confused ways. But it was all due to the fact I was very young and I was experiencing my adolescence. Most of you know how hard that can be. When you do it in front of the world, it is even harder. "I took a different path, one you might not expect. But along the path, I learned a lot about my life -- about life. It has molded me into what I am now. If I knew there would be so much pain in learning life's lessons, I would have been hesitant to take the path that I took. It's the only thing I do regret. "Let me say that the path I did take for a brief period of my life was not of reckless drug use, hurting others, but it was a path of quiet rebellion, of a little experimentation of a darker side of my confusion in a confusing world, lost in the midst of finding my identity. "I made mistakes, and, yes, I am to blame, and no one else. I am sorry to my loved ones that I humiliated and embarrassed. And I'm sorry to my fans who I feel I let down. I'm sorry to myself for causing such pain. "But I've put a great deal behind me, moving forward in the right direction, the direction I feel is right. "I feel like I've started a new chapter in my life, and I need to leave the past behind. So this will be the final time that I speak about the past. I just ask that after today, you please respect my wishes. "I want to thank many of you for the support you've given me in the past and here at this great US Open. I can't thank the fans enough. They have touched my heart with their support from all over the world. "I feel each day for me now is getting better and better. I wrote this statement before The Open began and waited until my run was over to say all this. "Thanks for listening and understanding."

JENNIFER CAPRIATI: I just was tired of all the questions about my past, just all the mystery. Just once and for all, I wanted to get it over with. I mean, I'm tired of like every time I read something about myself, I always read that little tidbit about the past. I just hope by doing this, it will sort of just end that chapter, and I can start new, life.

JENNIFER CAPRIATI: I think maybe I started off the game with a double-fault, you know, out of nerves, whatever, I just started it that way. I mean, she just, you know, jumped all over me the next point. She just played a good game, and I wasn't able to, you know, close that out or do any better in that game. I mean, she was just playing well the whole match. I just didn't take advantage of that opportunity.

JENNIFER CAPRIATI: Maybe the 4-3 one.

JENNIFER CAPRIATI: I know on one of them I did, twice.

JENNIFER CAPRIATI: Yeah.

JENNIFER CAPRIATI: I was just going over how I just wanted to like forget the past. Talk about now.

JENNIFER CAPRIATI: It's all sacred.

JENNIFER CAPRIATI: Yes, of course I remember the match.

JENNIFER CAPRIATI: Yeah, I mean, I don't think I've played that many big matches. I just started doing better this year, like the middle of the year. You know, really the only other top player I played was Lindsay, just Nathalie, but really like Lindsay was 1 or 2 at the time, I don't know. You know, I think that's a different situation, I mean, to just be like -- mentally, it's another level, I think. I've got to get used to playing those kind of matches. I felt like I got a little nervous there a few times in the match and just didn't really know how to handle the big points. You know, when I play against the top players, they're not going to give me any free points. I've just got to learn to be as tough as them.

JENNIFER CAPRIATI: Yeah. I mean, I feel like just a new person completely. I mean, I'm still the same person, you know. I've just gone into another place, you know. I'm just older. I just feel like just a real mature adult now. It's completely different.

JENNIFER CAPRIATI: Yeah.

JENNIFER CAPRIATI: When I felt the time was right, when it was appropriate. You know, I wasn't sure after each match if I should have because I was like, "Oh, I don't want to like jinx anything." I just waited till at least I wasn't playing anymore. I was either going to do it maybe before the tournament started so it would set the ground rules for the rest of the tournament, but I didn't do that.

JENNIFER CAPRIATI: I don't know. Just like probably a week before I left for here.

JENNIFER CAPRIATI: No. I mean, I've written things like that many times. I always just kept it like in a private place.

JENNIFER CAPRIATI: Well, what everyone asks about, the years that I took the time off. I mean, every time, except for when I started playing tennis again.

JENNIFER CAPRIATI: Tennis, you know, when I watch other players' interviews, I don't hear them getting asked all the time, "What about this match? What about when you played before?" Maybe Monica a few more times. I don't think it should be the same for me. Let's just talk about now, with everything.

JENNIFER CAPRIATI: Yeah, if they are willing to listen. I mean, it would be something just to give. I mean, obviously, a lot of people know me around the world. Kids know me. Just maybe I'm someone they can relate to or feel that, you know, I could be understanding and would know what they were talking about. Just anything, any situation, just about anything. That's something I would do.

JENNIFER CAPRIATI: No.

JENNIFER CAPRIATI: I mean, I just -- just people who come up to me here and there at tournaments. They just don't want anything. They will say they think it's great what I'm doing or how well I'm doing. Just in my fan mail, I read my fan mail, just things like that. I can see the support. I hear the support. If nobody was saying anything, I would know that, too. It's like I really hear them.

JENNIFER CAPRIATI: Yeah. I think they are.

JENNIFER CAPRIATI: We can talk about those ones (laughter).

JENNIFER CAPRIATI: I think I actually did better. I've done better than I thought I would, really. I didn't know really to what to expect, what kind of tennis I was going to play, what improvements I was going to make. I was just really thinking positive. With Harold coming into the picture, you know, I just was thinking positive, that I was just going to do a lot better. You know, it started in practice. I was just doing better. It went into the tournaments. I really didn't expect to win a tournament. I mean, I did in a way, but I didn't. I didn't think it would just come so soon. I thought it would take a little while longer. I was just very happy about it.

JENNIFER CAPRIATI: I admire her and respect her a lot. I can't imagine how tough that must be, having that done to you. I mean, she was in no control over it. You know, my situation was different. I was in complete control or -- I don't know. I just respect her for just staying tough and still pursuing something that she obviously loves very much.

JENNIFER CAPRIATI: Not really because I watched her or I don't think because she watched me. It's just something that's maybe just natural in both of us.

JENNIFER CAPRIATI: I can't answer that now. I mean, I don't know. I'm just taking it day-by-day. The future, I mean, ask me that in two years and then I'll know. I mean, I change every day, you know. So I don't know.

JENNIFER CAPRIATI: I'm sure there is. I really just haven't had much time to really think it through, what I want to do. I mean, right now for a while I've been so focused on trying to come back, trying to concentrate on the tennis. I haven't really thought of much else. Right now, I think for a while, that's all I want to put my focus on, you know, direct my attention to, is just tennis right now.

JENNIFER CAPRIATI: Yeah, it was hard. But I'll tell you, now I'm the most confident that I've ever been in a press conference. You know, I don't think I could really get bothered like I did before. No, this is like the better of them, I think.

JENNIFER CAPRIATI: Oh, yeah, when there was like one person in the room maybe or something (laughter).

JENNIFER CAPRIATI: Well, first of all, I think what happened with me doesn't happen too often. Maybe with like basketball and football players, I don't know. You know, especially just I think it was really a unique situation, being that it happened when I was very young. Just really, it was all self-inflicted. You know, what happened to Monica, Steffi, you know, it was really not their doing; it was people around them. Andre, I don't think he's been through that. I mean, not that we know of. I don't know. Who knows?

JENNIFER CAPRIATI: No. It really did come from me. I'd been wanting to do it for a long time. It's just been nagging at me. I thought now would be the best time in that I've just been consistent with the way I've been doing, tennis. It was just now that I felt, like, ready.

JENNIFER CAPRIATI: Yeah. I mean, I just like told my dad about it. I didn't tell my mom. She's going to be like, "What? What happened?" But that's really it.

JENNIFER CAPRIATI: Right now, I don't think that's appropriate to talk about. I mean, that's maybe something I will talk about, maybe to another group of people, someone who is just like going to relate to, who is really going to listen and take it directly to the heart. I mean, you're just going to kind of write it down on a paper for people to read. That's not something that I want. You know, I want when they hear it to hear it from my own words.

JENNIFER CAPRIATI: Really? That's not been too true in the past, not every time.

JENNIFER CAPRIATI: I didn't know. I really thought that's what it was going to do. I just really didn't know how to handle it, just how to go about saying it, afraid I was going to say something wrong. I didn't know really what to say that was just going to be right or I wasn't going to get in trouble or anything like that, you know. Maybe that's why I've played with a lot of anxiety.

JENNIFER CAPRIATI: I'm going to start crying. It's nothing bad, it's just -- (crying). It's just a little overwhelming, that's all.

JENNIFER CAPRIATI: (Shaking head.) It needs to be done.

JENNIFER CAPRIATI: I just wish I didn't have to talk about this stuff all the time.

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